And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
