I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
