just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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