She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
