Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
