he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
