I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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