and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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