I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
