That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
