i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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