It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
