I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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