Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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