I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
