Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
