Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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