My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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