I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
