I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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