You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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