Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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