I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
