Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
