so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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