My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
