Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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