they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
