all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
