The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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