Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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