it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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