If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
