He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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