ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
