The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
