I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
