I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
