Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
These tits shall not be calmed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
