I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found puke in my bra..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
