So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize