So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
