i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
