He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
