haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
