Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
