Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize