so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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