ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dicks are not precious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
