I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
