you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
