I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
