I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
