the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My vagina just recognized that song.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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