So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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