how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
