Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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