It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
