sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
