all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
