he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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