Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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