No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
