OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
