i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
