i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
