we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
