I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize