he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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