Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
