I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
