btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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