I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
