Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
