woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
