im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
