i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
