Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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