I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
