We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
