I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize